What if we were awarded a demerit every time someone found fault with us. The cost a tiny scar visible to the beholder. Your betrayal most evident. A besmirch on your being not touching the soul. And, the only way to be obsolved is to see yourself as you are. An enigmatic creature full of complexities this world cannot hold.
This mortal coil is wound tight. Justice and mercy are beaten on the blood soaked battlefield. The carrion used to draw the proverbial line in the sand. I’ve heard it said to treat every beings actions as good. Not to dismiss abhorrent behavior, but to seek to step in their mud caked shoes and stand. Breathe their air, feel their heartache.
What strength is found when someone speaks their truth even with fear of dying? What if we saw emotion as a strength? Peeled back the decayed underbelly to see the mystery underneath.
You cannot make someone forgive you. You cannot re-earn respect when the ink bleeds and your skirts are showing. The black mark, a scarlet letter, branded into flesh bubbling. Yet, you can forgive yourself. You can do the hard work that no on sees. Perfection and non-emotion is for the weak. But, we learn and grow until we die.
I am someone that takes a demerit and wrestles with it. I hold it in honest retrospect. I look at the person and the retroactive impact actions create – not easily undone. And, I seek to change. To see both sides and change what I can and let go – like a feather light prayer – of the things I cannot.
I want to clean my lens and look honestly at my own reflection. Moving forward after a wrong has muddied waters and other sides are hard pressed to hold the line can feel deep, but the demerit is a tiny prick and can be healed. Walk in integrity and know if your learning and open you are healing.
Our worth and character are never found in what others think & others are not thinking of you as often as you might wish. This breath is labored and shallow. We will all come to a morbid end. But, there is a sacristy where grace holds your hand and wipes your tears. Ache, bleed, be authentically you. Forgive more than you are forgiven. Believe in something bigger than yourself. And…lay down those feelings of unworthiness.
Demerits are the cost of humanness, but they do not tarnish the soul.
Reflection of Providence 