Higher Ground

One of my favorite books is Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. I relate with the main character, Much Afraid. Her precious fearful heart. She is trapped by a family who perpetuate those fears. When the Good Shepherd asks her to come with Him onto the mountaintop she agrees. But, when He gives her Sorrow and Suffering as companions for this long journey, she blanches. Her fear takes hold and she is uncertain if she has made the right decision or not. She trusts the Good Shepherd and so, despite her fear, she continues.

The Good Shepherd uses trial, Sorrow, Suffering, and Much Afraid’s own fear to tender her heart. In the end, He gives her a new heart and a new name: Grace and Glory. Her companions transform into her handmaidens, Joy and Peace. Every time I read this story I’m transfixed. I see the similarities and I pray for the same outcome as Much Afraid.

We are living in a trepidatious time. My sister calls it birth pains. As a Christian, I must believe this is what we are experiencing. The world is broken. Hope and peace have been sucked out like a vacuum. There is a niggling anxiety. The feeling rarely overwhelms. Instead, it is ever-present. A state of mind. Amid an international pandemic it is completely normal to feel fear, even panic. These circumstances are far outside of our control.

There is no breathing room. The walls are closing in. Many are saying, “do not fear.” This is a time to show our resilience and strength. Yet, there is much to fear.

Melancholy has also taken up residence. She flows in waves leaving trails that numb and fill the space with a sense of aimlessness. The word “blah” comes to mind.

As I sit with these unpleasant emotions, I wonder if they can be seen as companions like Much Afraid’s Sorrow and Suffering. Instead of trying to avoid or control them, might I accept them as gifts?  

I cannot tell you or I not to fear. This is an emotion. You can no more control it than feeling happy or excited. Emotions are to be felt. They are not to dictate or control our lives. I am confident, when God tells us “not to fear” He knows we will. He understands in a fallen and broken world that fear is ever present. I believe, in these moments, He is asking us not to allow it to govern our lives. He wants us to refocus and find refuge in Him.

“The Lord is Good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust Him.” – Nahum 1:7 NLT

Trusting our feelings, circumstances, or Him – this is what it comes down to. Things can be unbelievably hard. Life can rip through leaving tragedy and havoc in its wake. There was no preparation for a pandemic. There is no way we could anticipate what pain it would cause. And, it has caused great pain.

Heartache prevails from the pain and loss so many have experienced. This isn’t just loss of life. There has been loss of jobs, income, feelings of safety, trust, and faith. It is tough to know how to be hands and feet during this time. How do we help, when most are in “quarantine” and we are practicing “social-distancing”?

There are numerous disparages due to this terrible time. My heart breaks. It also rejoices in seeing cities celebrate and support their medical workers by ringing bells and applauding them from their apartment and home windows. Italians singing in self-quarantine or a neighborhood singing Happy Birthday to someone’s fiancé. These beautiful representations of life and unity are profound.

I’ve seen it again and again. I’ve seen communities willing to get groceries for those who cannot. I’ve watched a church plan a virtual Easter Egg Hunt for the community. Even all the virtual hugs and check-ins. These are things we cannot live without. We are isolated, but we are still connected. We are all in this together. There is unity. And hope and love will drive out fear every time.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

I don’t have a comforting balm of Gilead. The right words in which to make everything okay. There are numerous days, moments, seconds I am not okay. Why is it so hard to sit with this?

I keep wanting this be over, for everything to go back to normal. This period has marked us all, some more deeply than others. I do pray for a quick resolve and protection, safety, support, and love for all those on the front lines.

Fear is par for this journey. Each day I hear medical vehicle sirens blaze through my neighborhood. Evil does lurk outside our door. Yet, we have a great protection. Far beyond all measure.

Show up for people, be present and give yourself grace, and know that abiding love is covering you.

Take a moment and visualize the scene below:

There is a field full of lavender. The smell is clean and sharp. Pure lavender is one of the best fragrances there is. Imagine sifting the tiny purple buds through your fingers. A great expanse lies before you. The beauty hurts to behold. The sun is just cresting burning a glorious swath as day breaks enrobing everything in transforming light. You see the mountain before you yet do not fear. Your journey may be hard but will give you sure and strong hindfeet.

“The Lord God is my strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!” – Habakkuk 3:19 (Amplified)

The Shepherd laughed too. “I love doing preposterous things,” he replied. “Why, I don’t know anything more exhilarating and delightful than turning weakness into strength, and fear into faith, and that which has been marred into perfection.”

Hannah Hurnard, Hinds’ Feet for High Places