mySELF: seeking the heroine of the story

Oh, the dynamic wonder of woman! The careless way this world holds her breaks my heart. One of the definable desires for me is to see every woman live free, complete, full lives despite social constructs. I have written often of finding your true worth and knowing your value wholeheartedly. My prayer and my mission, as it were, is to infuse that ideology and fervor into every feminine soul I meet. The power of women is unmatched, and the best way we can exude that power is as a collective strength and support of one another.  

My favorite character in Lord of the Rings is Eowyn. A character definitively more than what her male counterparts perceive. She is the Shieldmaiden of Rohan who rides valiantly into battle and kills the Witch-King Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul, in the battle of Pelennor Fields (referenced Wikipedia). Her life’s fear: a cage. And, as she stands before the Nazgul and he spits calloused threats of how darkness will devour her flesh if she steps between him and his prey and he taunts her by saying, “No living man may hinder me!” She looks him in the eye, sword raised, and says, “But no living man am I!” In this moment the fragility slips, and the cage falls away. 

Is there anything better? I love adventure. My heart is attuned to its rhythm. I look at life through a lens of fantastical wonder. Even during this pandemic, I’ve looked at this journey with a wizened scope of “so much more”. I believe in passion and the fullness of a heroine and her profound role in the narrative.

“I like women who

save themselves.”

Neil gaiman

I’ve always been drawn to complex female characters. My favorite movies growing up were the original Star Wars trilogy. I would watch them again and again. I craved to be a Jedi. Full disclosure, I still pretend to use the force to open automatic doors. When Rey came into the scene, I was overwhelmed by the dazzling mosaic of her character and my heart endeared to her. That the narrative chose to ingraft her into the Skywalker family was such a prodigious storyline. I found rest and fulfillment in seeing such a woman portrayed on screen.

I struggle with the statement, “strong female character”. I don’t think there is ever a moment that a woman’s strength isn’t evident. As an actress once said, “I don’t look at my character as a strong female, just a real woman doing the best she can.”

There are few creators that have been able to show the complexity of feminine substance like Joss Whedon. The heroine I look up to the most is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, she was strong. Yes, she was female. She was also a deeply flawed human being. Her strength set most readily in her human failings. She also had an undeniable support system through the Scooby Gang. The fortitude of friends and family who allowed her to be herself is deeply empowering.

Unfortunately, misogyny – dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women – is entrenched in Eden’s fall. It is a part of our culture whether glaring or whispered in dark alleys. Even in ways you don’t consider. At my age I am a spinster. I use that word purposefully. Even though the foundations for this type of verbiage and the societal archetype that would consider someone of my age a “spinster” no longer exist, I still see the structure in silhouette. The fulfillment of a woman is still very much found in husband and children. The lack of that formalistic norm can leave certain women adrift in their identity.

I have come into my own and understand that being a complete, complex, fully alive woman is deeply faceted. I settle in the wonder and sorrow of life and attempt to live each day to its fullest. I am an established rich mosaic. There is a tapestry of brilliance and comfort that only I can give to the world. As I stand on my own two feet and survey the glorious valley I am staggered by grace. There is an allure to woman that isn’t found in the exploitation of our sex. It is ancient, deeply rooted, and unbelievably sacred.

In creation, there are things that only women can convey. Our radiant hearts, nurturing spirits (no matter how that looks), our capacity for forgiveness, love and understanding – just to name a few. Our sweet Lord created woman as ezer kenegdo for humankind. Ezer (meaning “lifesaver”) Kenegdo (meaning “alongside, opposite to, a counterpart). This stops my breath. It certainly sounds a great deal more vital and important than “help meet” or “subservient”. There is a great call and need in this world that only women can fill. There is a profound and beautiful strength to the nature of women. If allowed to flourish into full bloom, there is nothing more astounding and powerful.

“The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.” 

Stasi Eldredge, Captivating, P. 32